how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Randomize
