I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Randomize
