WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
