First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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