I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
