Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
