sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
pop tarts are not kleenex
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
Randomize
