I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
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