if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
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