If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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