i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
