i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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