you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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