Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
