were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
