I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
only you would photoshop your dick
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
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