Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
I am midnight drunk by noon
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
