"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
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