After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Randomize
