last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
