I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
