I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Randomize
