ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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