I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
Randomize
