felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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