I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
