Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
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