Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize
