I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
Randomize
