Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Randomize