I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
Randomize
