I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
