i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
