the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
