she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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