another moral hangover. fuck.
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize
