"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Randomize
