It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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