im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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