So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
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