im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Randomize
