uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
I fill condoms, not promises.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
