Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
