I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
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