I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
