after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
I need water and some morals
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
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