the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
my poor anus
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Randomize
