she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
she peed on how many people?
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
Randomize
