if i can run in heels then i can drive
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
I just forgot I was standing up.
my liver is dry heaving
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
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