i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
