I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Randomize