he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
