Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
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