I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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