i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
