Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
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