im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Randomize
