I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
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