I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Randomize
