I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
My dad is sitting where you rode me
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
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