Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Randomize
