That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Randomize
