as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
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why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
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I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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