I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
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