you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Randomize
