i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
