too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Randomize
