I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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