He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
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