Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Randomize
