So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
