dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
Randomize
