kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
I party with great urgency now.
Randomize
